The Haunted Man
CHAPTER II - The Gift Diffused
A small man sat in a small parlour, partitioned off from a small shop by a
small screen, pasted all over with small scraps of newspapers. In company with
the small man, was almost any amount of small children you may please to name -
at least it seemed so; they made, in that very limited sphere of action, such an
imposing effect, in point of numbers.
Of these small fry, two had, by some strong machinery, been got into bed in a
corner, where they might have reposed snugly enough in the sleep of innocence,
but for a constitutional propensity to keep awake, and also to scuffle in and
out of bed. The immediate occasion of these predatory dashes at the waking
world, was the construction of an oyster-shell wall in a corner, by two other
youths of tender age; on which fortification the two in bed made harassing
descents (like those accursed Picts and Scots who beleaguer the early historical
studies of most young Britons), and then withdrew to their own territory.
In addition to the stir attendant on these inroads, and the retorts of the
invaded, who pursued hotly, and made lunges at the bed-clothes under which the
marauders took refuge, another little boy, in another little bed, contributed
his mite of confusion to the family stock, by casting his boots upon the waters;
in other words, by launching these and several small objects, inoffensive in
themselves, though of a hard substance considered as missiles, at the disturbers
of his repose, - who were not slow to return these compliments.
Besides which, another little boy - the biggest there, but still little - was
tottering to and fro, bent on one side, and considerably affected in his knees
by the weight of a large baby, which he was supposed by a fiction that obtains
sometimes in sanguine families, to be hushing to sleep. But oh! the
inexhaustible regions of contemplation and watchfulness into which this baby’s
eyes were then only beginning to compose themselves to stare, over his
unconscious shoulder!
It was a very Moloch of a baby, on whose insatiate altar the whole existence of
this particular young brother was offered up a daily sacrifice. Its personality
may be said to have consisted in its never being quiet, in any one place, for
five consecutive minutes, and never going to sleep when required. “Tetterby’s
baby” was as well known in the neighbourhood as the postman or the pot-boy. It
roved from door-step to door-step, in the arms of little Johnny Tetterby, and
lagged heavily at the rear of troops of juveniles who followed the Tumblers or
the Monkey, and came up, all on one side, a little too late for everything that
was attractive, from Monday morning until Saturday night. Wherever childhood
congregated to play, there was little Moloch making Johnny fag and toil.
Wherever Johnny desired to stay, little Moloch became fractious, and would not
remain. Whenever Johnny wanted to go out, Moloch was asleep, and must be
watched. Whenever Johnny wanted to stay at home, Moloch was awake, and must be
taken out. Yet Johnny was verily persuaded that it was a faultless baby,
without its peer in the realm of England, and was quite content to catch meek
glimpses of things in general from behind its skirts, or over its limp flapping
bonnet, and to go staggering about with it like a very little porter with a very
large parcel, which was not directed to anybody, and could never be delivered
anywhere.
The small man who sat in the small parlour, making fruitless attempts to read
his newspaper peaceably in the midst of this disturbance, was the father of the
family, and the chief of the firm described in the inscription over the little
shop front, by the name and title of A. TETTERBY AND CO., NEWSMEN. Indeed,
strictly speaking, he was the only personage answering to that designation, as
Co. was a mere poetical abstraction, altogether baseless and impersonal.
Tetterby’s was the corner shop in Jerusalem Buildings. There was a good show of
literature in the window, chiefly consisting of picture-newspapers out of date,
and serial pirates, and footpads. Walking-sticks, likewise, and marbles, were
included in the stock in trade. It had once extended into the light
confectionery line; but it would seem that those elegancies of life were not in
demand about Jerusalem Buildings, for nothing connected with that branch of
commerce remained in the window, except a sort of small glass lantern containing
a languishing mass of bull’s-eyes, which had melted in the summer and congealed
in the winter until all hope of ever getting them out, or of eating them without
eating the lantern too, was gone for ever. Tetterby’s had tried its hand at
several things. It had once made a feeble little dart at the toy business; for,
in another lantern, there was a heap of minute wax dolls, all sticking together
upside down, in the direst confusion, with their feet on one another’s heads,
and a precipitate of broken arms and legs at the bottom. It had made a move in
the millinery direction, which a few dry, wiry bonnet-shapes remained in a
corner of the window to attest. It had fancied that a living might lie hidden
in the tobacco trade, and had stuck up a representation of a native of each of
the three integral portions of the British Empire, in the act of consuming that
fragrant weed; with a poetic legend attached, importing that united in one cause
they sat and joked, one chewed tobacco, one took snuff, one smoked: but nothing
seemed to have come of it - except flies. Time had been when it had put a
forlorn trust in imitative jewellery, for in one pane of glass there was a card
of cheap seals, and another of pencil-cases, and a mysterious black amulet of
inscrutable intention, labelled ninepence. But, to that hour, Jerusalem
Buildings had bought none of them. In short, Tetterby’s had tried so hard to
get a livelihood out of Jerusalem Buildings in one way or other, and appeared to
have done so indifferently in all, that the best position in the firm was too
evidently Co.’s; Co., as a bodiless creation, being untroubled with the vulgar
inconveniences of hunger and thirst, being chargeable neither to the poor’s-rates
nor the assessed taxes, and having no young family to provide for.
Tetterby himself, however, in his little parlour, as already mentioned, having
the presence of a young family impressed upon his mind in a manner too clamorous
to be disregarded, or to comport with the quiet perusal of a newspaper, laid
down his paper, wheeled, in his distraction, a few times round the parlour, like
an undecided carrier-pigeon, made an ineffectual rush at one or two flying
little figures in bed-gowns that skimmed past him, and then, bearing suddenly
down upon the only unoffending member of the family, boxed the ears of little
Moloch’s nurse.
“You bad boy!” said Mr. Tetterby, “haven’t you any feeling for your poor father
after the fatigues and anxieties of a hard winter’s day, since five o’clock in
the morning, but must you wither his rest, and corrode his latest intelligence,
with your wicious tricks? Isn’t it enough, sir, that your brother ’Dolphus is
toiling and moiling in the fog and cold, and you rolling in the lap of luxury
with a - with a baby, and everything you can wish for,” said Mr. Tetterby,
heaping this up as a great climax of blessings, “but must you make a wilderness
of home, and maniacs of your parents? Must you, Johnny? Hey?” At each
interrogation, Mr. Tetterby made a feint of boxing his ears again, but thought
better of it, and held his hand.
“Oh, father!” whimpered Johnny, “when I wasn’t doing anything, I’m sure, but
taking such care of Sally, and getting her to sleep. Oh, father!”
“I wish my little woman would come home!” said Mr. Tetterby, relenting and
repenting, “I only wish my little woman would come home! I ain’t fit to deal
with ’em. They make my head go round, and get the better of me. Oh, Johnny!
Isn’t it enough that your dear mother has provided you with that sweet sister?”
indicating Moloch; “isn’t it enough that you were seven boys before without a
ray of gal, and that your dear mother went through what she did go through, on
purpose that you might all of you have a little sister, but must you so behave
yourself as to make my head swim?”
Softening more and more, as his own tender feelings and those of his injured son
were worked on, Mr. Tetterby concluded by embracing him, and immediately
breaking away to catch one of the real delinquents. A reasonably good start
occurring, he succeeded, after a short but smart run, and some rather severe
cross-country work under and over the bedsteads, and in and out among the
intricacies of the chairs, in capturing this infant, whom he condignly punished,
and bore to bed. This example had a powerful, and apparently, mesmeric
influence on him of the boots, who instantly fell into a deep sleep, though he
had been, but a moment before, broad awake, and in the highest possible
feather. Nor was it lost upon the two young architects, who retired to bed, in
an adjoining closet, with great privacy and speed. The comrade of the
Intercepted One also shrinking into his nest with similar discretion, Mr.
Tetterby, when he paused for breath, found himself unexpectedly in a scene of
peace.
“My little woman herself,” said Mr. Tetterby, wiping his flushed face, “could
hardly have done it better! I only wish my little woman had had it to do, I do
indeed!”
Mr. Tetterby sought upon his screen for a passage appropriate to be impressed
upon his children’s minds on the occasion, and read the following.
“‘It is an undoubted fact that all remarkable men have had remarkable mothers,
and have respected them in after life as their best friends.’ Think of your own
remarkable mother, my boys,” said Mr. Tetterby, “and know her value while she is
still among you!”
He sat down again in his chair by the fire, and composed himself, cross-legged,
over his newspaper.
“Let anybody, I don’t care who it is, get out of bed again,” said Tetterby, as a
general proclamation, delivered in a very soft-hearted manner, “and astonishment
will be the portion of that respected contemporary!” - which expression Mr.
Tetterby selected from his screen. “Johnny, my child, take care of your only
sister, Sally; for she’s the brightest gem that ever sparkled on your early
brow.”
Johnny sat down on a little stool, and devotedly crushed himself beneath the
weight of Moloch.
“Ah, what a gift that baby is to you, Johnny!” said his father, “and how
thankful you ought to be! ‘It is not generally known, Johnny,’” he was now
referring to the screen again, “‘but it is a fact ascertained, by accurate
calculations, that the following immense percentage of babies never attain to
two years old; that is to say - ’”
“Oh, don’t, father, please!” cried Johnny. “I can’t bear it, when I think of
Sally.”
Mr. Tetterby desisting, Johnny, with a profound sense of his trust, wiped his
eyes, and hushed his sister.
“Your brother ’Dolphus,” said his father, poking the fire, “is late to-night,
Johnny, and will come home like a lump of ice. What’s got your precious
mother?”
“Here’s mother, and ’Dolphus too, father!” exclaimed Johnny, “I think.”
“You’re right!” returned his father, listening. “Yes, that’s the footstep of my
little woman.”
The process of induction, by which Mr Tetterby had come to the conclusion that
his wife was a little woman, was his own secret. She would have made two
editions of himself, very easily. Considered as an individual, she was rather
remarkable for being robust and portly; but considered with reference to her
husband, her dimensions became magnificent. Nor did they assume a less imposing
proportion, when studied with reference to the size of her seven sons, who were
but diminutive. In the case of Sally, however, Mrs. Tetterby had asserted
herself, at last; as nobody knew better than the victim Johnny, who weighed and
measured that exacting idol every hour in the day.
Mrs. Tetterby, who had been marketing, and carried a basket, threw back her
bonnet and shawl, and sitting down, fatigued, commanded Johnny to bring his
sweet charge to her straightway, for a kiss. Johnny having complied, and gone
back to his stool, and again crushed himself, Master Adolphus Tetterby, who had
by this time unwound his torso out of a prismatic comforter, apparently
interminable, requested the same favour. Johnny having again complied, and
again gone back to his stool, and again crushed himself, Mr. Tetterby, struck by
a sudden thought, preferred the same claim on his own parental part. The
satisfaction of this third desire completely exhausted the sacrifice, who had
hardly breath enough left to get back to his stool, crush himself again, and
pant at his relations.
“Whatever you do, Johnny,” said Mrs. Tetterby, shaking her head, “take care of
her, or never look your mother in the face again.”
“Nor your brother,” said Adolphus.
“Nor your father, Johnny,” added Mr. Tetterby.
Johnny, much affected by this conditional renunciation of him, looked down at
Moloch’s eyes to see that they were all right, so far, and skilfully patted her
back (which was uppermost), and rocked her with his foot.
“Are you wet, ’Dolphus, my boy?” said his father. “Come and take my chair, and
dry yourself.”
“No, father, thank’ee,” said Adolphus, smoothing himself down with his hands.
“I an’t very wet, I don’t think. Does my face shine much, father?”
“Well, it does look waxy, my boy,” returned Mr. Tetterby.
“It’s the weather, father,” said Adolphus, polishing his cheeks on the worn
sleeve of his jacket. “What with rain, and sleet, and wind, and snow, and fog,
my face gets quite brought out into a rash sometimes. And shines, it does - oh,
don’t it, though!”
Master Adolphus was also in the newspaper line of life, being employed, by a
more thriving firm than his father and Co., to vend newspapers at a railway
station, where his chubby little person, like a shabbily-disguised Cupid, and
his shrill little voice (he was not much more than ten years old), were as well
known as the hoarse panting of the locomotives, running in and out. His
juvenility might have been at some loss for a harmless outlet, in this early
application to traffic, but for a fortunate discovery he made of a means of
entertaining himself, and of dividing the long day into stages of interest,
without neglecting business. This ingenious invention, remarkable, like many
great discoveries, for its simplicity, consisted in varying the first vowel in
the word “paper,” and substituting, in its stead, at different periods of the
day, all the other vowels in grammatical succession. Thus, before daylight in
the winter-time, he went to and fro, in his little oilskin cap and cape, and his
big comforter, piercing the heavy air with his cry of “Morn-ing Pa-per!” which,
about an hour before noon, changed to “Morn-ing Pepper!” which, at about two,
changed to “Morn-ing Pip-per!” which in a couple of hours changed to “Morn-ing
Pop-per!” and so declined with the sun into “Eve-ning Pup-per!” to the great
relief and comfort of this young gentleman’s spirits.
Mrs. Tetterby, his lady-mother, who had been sitting with her bonnet and shawl
thrown back, as aforesaid, thoughtfully turning her wedding-ring round and round
upon her finger, now rose, and divesting herself of her out-of-door attire,
began to lay the cloth for supper.
“Ah, dear me, dear me, dear me!” said Mrs. Tetterby. “That’s the way the world
goes!”
“Which is the way the world goes, my dear?” asked Mr. Tetterby, looking round.
“Oh, nothing,” said Mrs. Tetterby.
Mr. Tetterby elevated his eyebrows, folded his newspaper afresh, and carried his
eyes up it, and down it, and across it, but was wandering in his attention, and
not reading it.
Mrs. Tetterby, at the same time, laid the cloth, but rather as if she were
punishing the table than preparing the family supper; hitting it unnecessarily
hard with the knives and forks, slapping it with the plates, dinting it with the
salt-cellar, and coming heavily down upon it with the loaf.
“Ah, dear me, dear me, dear me!” said Mrs. Tetterby. “That’s the way the world
goes!”
“My duck,” returned her husband, looking round again, “you said that before.
Which is the way the world goes?”
“Oh, nothing!” said Mrs. Tetterby.
“Sophia!” remonstrated her husband, “you said that before, too.”
“Well, I’ll say it again if you like,” returned Mrs. Tetterby. “Oh nothing -
there! And again if you like, oh nothing - there! And again if you like, oh
nothing - now then!”
Mr. Tetterby brought his eye to bear upon the partner of his bosom, and said, in
mild astonishment:
“My little woman, what has put you out?”
“I’m sure I don’t know,” she retorted. “Don’t ask me. Who said I was put out
at all? I never did.”
Mr. Tetterby gave up the perusal of his newspaper as a bad job, and, taking a
slow walk across the room, with his hands behind him, and his shoulders raised -
his gait according perfectly with the resignation of his manner - addressed
himself to his two eldest offspring.
“Your supper will be ready in a minute, ’Dolphus,” said Mr. Tetterby. “Your
mother has been out in the wet, to the cook’s shop, to buy it. It was very good
of your mother so to do. You shall get some supper too, very soon, Johnny.
Your mother’s pleased with you, my man, for being so attentive to your precious
sister.”
Mrs. Tetterby, without any remark, but with a decided subsidence of her
animosity towards the table, finished her preparations, and took, from her ample
basket, a substantial slab of hot pease pudding wrapped in paper, and a basin
covered with a saucer, which, on being uncovered, sent forth an odour so
agreeable, that the three pair of eyes in the two beds opened wide and fixed
themselves upon the banquet. Mr. Tetterby, without regarding this tacit
invitation to be seated, stood repeating slowly, “Yes, yes, your supper will be
ready in a minute, ’Dolphus - your mother went out in the wet, to the cook’s
shop, to buy it. It was very good of your mother so to do” - until Mrs.
Tetterby, who had been exhibiting sundry tokens of contrition behind him, caught
him round the neck, and wept.
“Oh, Dolphus!” said Mrs. Tetterby, “how could I go and behave so?”
This reconciliation affected Adolphus the younger and Johnny to that degree,
that they both, as with one accord, raised a dismal cry, which had the effect of
immediately shutting up the round eyes in the beds, and utterly routing the two
remaining little Tetterbys, just then stealing in from the adjoining closet to
see what was going on in the eating way.
“I am sure, ’Dolphus,” sobbed Mrs. Tetterby, “coming home, I had no more idea
than a child unborn - ”
Mr. Tetterby seemed to dislike this figure of speech, and observed, “Say than
the baby, my dear.”
“ - Had no more idea than the baby,” said Mrs. Tetterby. - “Johnny, don’t look
at me, but look at her, or she’ll fall out of your lap and be killed, and then
you’ll die in agonies of a broken heart, and serve you right. - No more idea I
hadn’t than that darling, of being cross when I came home; but somehow, ’Dolphus
- ” Mrs. Tetterby paused, and again turned her wedding-ring round and round
upon her finger.
“I see!” said Mr. Tetterby. “I understand! My little woman was put out. Hard
times, and hard weather, and hard work, make it trying now and then. I see,
bless your soul! No wonder! Dolf, my man,” continued Mr. Tetterby, exploring
the basin with a fork, “here’s your mother been and bought, at the cook’s shop,
besides pease pudding, a whole knuckle of a lovely roast leg of pork, with lots
of crackling left upon it, and with seasoning gravy and mustard quite
unlimited. Hand in your plate, my boy, and begin while it’s simmering.”
Master Adolphus, needing no second summons, received his portion with eyes
rendered moist by appetite, and withdrawing to his particular stool, fell upon
his supper tooth and nail. Johnny was not forgotten, but received his rations
on bread, lest he should, in a flush of gravy, trickle any on the baby. He was
required, for similar reasons, to keep his pudding, when not on active service,
in his pocket.
There might have been more pork on the knucklebone, - which knucklebone the
carver at the cook’s shop had assuredly not forgotten in carving for previous
customers - but there was no stint of seasoning, and that is an accessory
dreamily suggesting pork, and pleasantly cheating the sense of taste. The pease
pudding, too, the gravy and mustard, like the Eastern rose in respect of the
nightingale, if they were not absolutely pork, had lived near it; so, upon the
whole, there was the flavour of a middle-sized pig. It was irresistible to the
Tetterbys in bed, who, though professing to slumber peacefully, crawled out when
unseen by their parents, and silently appealed to their brothers for any
gastronomic token of fraternal affection. They, not hard of heart, presenting
scraps in return, it resulted that a party of light skirmishers in nightgowns
were careering about the parlour all through supper, which harassed Mr. Tetterby
exceedingly, and once or twice imposed upon him the necessity of a charge,
before which these guerilla troops retired in all directions and in great
confusion.
Mrs. Tetterby did not enjoy her supper. There seemed to be something on Mrs.
Tetterby’s mind. At one time she laughed without reason, and at another time
she cried without reason, and at last she laughed and cried together in a manner
so very unreasonable that her husband was confounded.
“My little woman,” said Mr. Tetterby, “if the world goes that way, it appears to
go the wrong way, and to choke you.”
“Give me a drop of water,” said Mrs. Tetterby, struggling with herself, “and
don’t speak to me for the present, or take any notice of me. Don’t do it!”
Mr. Tetterby having administered the water, turned suddenly on the unlucky
Johnny (who was full of sympathy), and demanded why he was wallowing there, in
gluttony and idleness, instead of coming forward with the baby, that the sight
of her might revive his mother. Johnny immediately approached, borne down by
its weight; but Mrs. Tetterby holding out her hand to signify that she was not
in a condition to bear that trying appeal to her feelings, he was interdicted
from advancing another inch, on pain of perpetual hatred from all his dearest
connections; and accordingly retired to his stool again, and crushed himself as
before.
After a pause, Mrs. Tetterby said she was better now, and began to laugh.
“My little woman,” said her husband, dubiously, “are you quite sure you’re
better? Or are you, Sophia, about to break out in a fresh direction?”
“No, ’Dolphus, no,” replied his wife. “I’m quite myself.” With that, settling
her hair, and pressing the palms of her hands upon her eyes, she laughed again.
“What a wicked fool I was, to think so for a moment!” said Mrs. Tetterby. “Come
nearer, ’Dolphus, and let me ease my mind, and tell you what I mean. Let me
tell you all about it.”
Mr. Tetterby bringing his chair closer, Mrs. Tetterby laughed again, gave him a
hug, and wiped her eyes.
“You know, Dolphus, my dear,” said Mrs. Tetterby, “that when I was single, I
might have given myself away in several directions. At one time, four after me
at once; two of them were sons of Mars.”
“We’re all sons of Ma’s, my dear,” said Mr. Tetterby, “jointly with Pa’s.”
“I don’t mean that,” replied his wife, “I mean soldiers - serjeants.”
“Oh!” said Mr. Tetterby.
“Well, ’Dolphus, I’m sure I never think of such things now, to regret them; and
I’m sure I’ve got as good a husband, and would do as much to prove that I was
fond of him, as - ”
“As any little woman in the world,” said Mr. Tetterby. “Very good. Very good.”
If Mr. Tetterby had been ten feet high, he could not have expressed a gentler
consideration for Mrs. Tetterby’s fairy-like stature; and if Mrs. Tetterby had
been two feet high, she could not have felt it more appropriately her due.
“But you see, ’Dolphus,” said Mrs. Tetterby, “this being Christmas-time, when
all people who can, make holiday, and when all people who have got money, like
to spend some, I did, somehow, get a little out of sorts when I was in the
streets just now. There were so many things to be sold - such delicious things
to eat, such fine things to look at, such delightful things to have - and there
was so much calculating and calculating necessary, before I durst lay out a
sixpence for the commonest thing; and the basket was so large, and wanted so
much in it; and my stock of money was so small, and would go such a little way;
- you hate me, don’t you, ’Dolphus?”
“Not quite,” said Mr. Tetterby, “as yet.”
“Well! I’ll tell you the whole truth,” pursued his wife, penitently, “and then
perhaps you will. I felt all this, so much, when I was trudging about in the
cold, and when I saw a lot of other calculating faces and large baskets trudging
about, too, that I began to think whether I mightn’t have done better, and been
happier, if - I - hadn’t - ” the wedding-ring went round again, and Mrs.
Tetterby shook her downcast head as she turned it.
“I see,” said her husband quietly; “if you hadn’t married at all, or if you had
married somebody else?”
“Yes,” sobbed Mrs. Tetterby. “That’s really what I thought. Do you hate me
now, ’Dolphus?”
“Why no,” said Mr. Tetterby. “I don’t find that I do, as yet.”
Mrs. Tetterby gave him a thankful kiss, and went on.
“I begin to hope you won’t, now, ’Dolphus, though I’m afraid I haven’t told you
the worst. I can’t think what came over me. I don’t know whether I was ill, or
mad, or what I was, but I couldn’t call up anything that seemed to bind us to
each other, or to reconcile me to my fortune. All the pleasures and enjoyments
we had ever had - they seemed so poor and insignificant, I hated them. I could
have trodden on them. And I could think of nothing else, except our being poor,
and the number of mouths there were at home.”
“Well, well, my dear,” said Mr. Tetterby, shaking her hand encouragingly,
“that’s truth, after all. We are poor, and there are a number of mouths at home
here.”
“Ah! but, Dolf, Dolf!” cried his wife, laying her hands upon his neck, “my good,
kind, patient fellow, when I had been at home a very little while - how
different! Oh, Dolf, dear, how different it was! I felt as if there was a rush
of recollection on me, all at once, that softened my hard heart, and filled it
up till it was bursting. All our struggles for a livelihood, all our cares and
wants since we have been married, all the times of sickness, all the hours of
watching, we have ever had, by one another, or by the children, seemed to speak
to me, and say that they had made us one, and that I never might have been, or
could have been, or would have been, any other than the wife and mother I am.
Then, the cheap enjoyments that I could have trodden on so cruelly, got to be so
precious to me - Oh so priceless, and dear! - that I couldn’t bear to think how
much I had wronged them; and I said, and say again a hundred times, how could I
ever behave so, ’Dolphus, how could I ever have the heart to do it!”
The good woman, quite carried away by her honest tenderness and remorse, was
weeping with all her heart, when she started up with a scream, and ran behind
her husband. Her cry was so terrified, that the children started from their
sleep and from their beds, and clung about her. Nor did her gaze belie her
voice, as she pointed to a pale man in a black cloak who had come into the room.
“Look at that man! Look there! What does he want?”
“My dear,” returned her husband, “I’ll ask him if you’ll let me go. What’s the
matter! How you shake!”
“I saw him in the street, when I was out just now. He looked at me, and stood
near me. I am afraid of him.”
“Afraid of him! Why?”
“I don’t know why - I - stop! husband!” for he was going towards the stranger.
She had one hand pressed upon her forehead, and one upon her breast; and there
was a peculiar fluttering all over her, and a hurried unsteady motion of her
eyes, as if she had lost something.
“Are you ill, my dear?”
“What is it that is going from me again?” she muttered, in a low voice. “What
is this that is going away?”
Then she abruptly answered: “Ill? No, I am quite well,” and stood looking
vacantly at the floor.
Her husband, who had not been altogether free from the infection of her fear at
first, and whom the present strangeness of her manner did not tend to reassure,
addressed himself to the pale visitor in the black cloak, who stood still, and
whose eyes were bent upon the ground.
“What may be your pleasure, sir,” he asked, “with us?”
“I fear that my coming in unperceived,” returned the visitor, “has alarmed you;
but you were talking and did not hear me.”
“My little woman says - perhaps you heard her say it,” returned Mr. Tetterby,
“that it’s not the first time you have alarmed her to-night.”
“I am sorry for it. I remember to have observed her, for a few moments only, in
the street. I had no intention of frightening her.”
As he raised his eyes in speaking, she raised hers. It was extraordinary to see
what dread she had of him, and with what dread he observed it - and yet how
narrowly and closely.
“My name,” he said, “is Redlaw. I come from the old college hard by. A young
gentleman who is a student there, lodges in your house, does he not?”
“Mr. Denham?” said Tetterby.
“Yes.”
It was a natural action, and so slight as to be hardly noticeable; but the
little man, before speaking again, passed his hand across his forehead, and
looked quickly round the room, as though he were sensible of some change in its
atmosphere. The Chemist, instantly transferring to him the look of dread he had
directed towards the wife, stepped back, and his face turned paler.
“The gentleman’s room,” said Tetterby, “is upstairs, sir. There’s a more
convenient private entrance; but as you have come in here, it will save your
going out into the cold, if you’ll take this little staircase,” showing one
communicating directly with the parlour, “and go up to him that way, if you wish
to see him.”
“Yes, I wish to see him,” said the Chemist. “Can you spare a light?”
The watchfulness of his haggard look, and the inexplicable distrust that
darkened it, seemed to trouble Mr. Tetterby. He paused; and looking fixedly at
him in return, stood for a minute or so, like a man stupefied, or fascinated.
At length he said, “I’ll light you, sir, if you’ll follow me.”
“No,” replied the Chemist, “I don’t wish to be attended, or announced to him.
He does not expect me. I would rather go alone. Please to give me the light,
if you can spare it, and I’ll find the way.”
In the quickness of his expression of this desire, and in taking the candle from
the newsman, he touched him on the breast. Withdrawing his hand hastily, almost
as though he had wounded him by accident (for he did not know in what part of
himself his new power resided, or how it was communicated, or how the manner of
its reception varied in different persons), he turned and ascended the stair.
But when he reached the top, he stopped and looked down. The wife was standing
in the same place, twisting her ring round and round upon her finger. The
husband, with his head bent forward on his breast, was musing heavily and
sullenly. The children, still clustering about the mother, gazed timidly after
the visitor, and nestled together when they saw him looking down.
“Come!” said the father, roughly. “There’s enough of this. Get to bed here!”
“The place is inconvenient and small enough,” the mother added, “without you.
Get to bed!”
The whole brood, scared and sad, crept away; little Johnny and the baby lagging
last. The mother, glancing contemptuously round the sordid room, and tossing
from her the fragments of their meal, stopped on the threshold of her task of
clearing the table, and sat down, pondering idly and dejectedly. The father
betook himself to the chimney-corner, and impatiently raking the small fire
together, bent over it as if he would monopolise it all. They did not
interchange a word.
The Chemist, paler than before, stole upward like a thief; looking back upon the
change below, and dreading equally to go on or return.
“What have I done!” he said, confusedly. “What am I going to do!”
“To be the benefactor of mankind,” he thought he heard a voice reply.
He looked round, but there was nothing there; and a passage now shutting out the
little parlour from his view, he went on, directing his eyes before him at the
way he went.
“It is only since last night,” he muttered gloomily, “that I have remained shut
up, and yet all things are strange to me. I am strange to myself. I am here,
as in a dream. What interest have I in this place, or in any place that I can
bring to my remembrance? My mind is going blind!”
There was a door before him, and he knocked at it. Being invited, by a voice
within, to enter, he complied.
“Is that my kind nurse?” said the voice. “But I need not ask her. There is no
one else to come here.”
It spoke cheerfully, though in a languid tone, and attracted his attention to a
young man lying on a couch, drawn before the chimney-piece, with the back
towards the door. A meagre scanty stove, pinched and hollowed like a sick man’s
cheeks, and bricked into the centre of a hearth that it could scarcely warm,
contained the fire, to which his face was turned. Being so near the windy
house-top, it wasted quickly, and with a busy sound, and the burning ashes
dropped down fast.
“They chink when they shoot out here,” said the student, smiling, “so, according
to the gossips, they are not coffins, but purses. I shall be well and rich yet,
some day, if it please God, and shall live perhaps to love a daughter Milly, in
remembrance of the kindest nature and the gentlest heart in the world.”
He put up his hand as if expecting her to take it, but, being weakened, he lay
still, with his face resting on his other hand, and did not turn round.
The Chemist glanced about the room; - at the student’s books and papers, piled
upon a table in a corner, where they, and his extinguished reading-lamp, now
prohibited and put away, told of the attentive hours that had gone before this
illness, and perhaps caused it; - at such signs of his old health and freedom,
as the out-of-door attire that hung idle on the wall; - at those remembrances of
other and less solitary scenes, the little miniatures upon the chimney-piece,
and the drawing of home; - at that token of his emulation, perhaps, in some
sort, of his personal attachment too, the framed engraving of himself, the
looker-on. The time had been, only yesterday, when not one of these objects, in
its remotest association of interest with the living figure before him, would
have been lost on Redlaw. Now, they were but objects; or, if any gleam of such
connexion shot upon him, it perplexed, and not enlightened him, as he stood
looking round with a dull wonder.
The student, recalling the thin hand which had remained so long untouched,
raised himself on the couch, and turned his head.
“Mr. Redlaw!” he exclaimed, and started up.
Redlaw put out his arm.
“Don’t come nearer to me. I will sit here. Remain you, where you are!”
He sat down on a chair near the door, and having glanced at the young man
standing leaning with his hand upon the couch, spoke with his eyes averted
towards the ground.
“I heard, by an accident, by what accident is no matter, that one of my class
was ill and solitary. I received no other description of him, than that he
lived in this street. Beginning my inquiries at the first house in it, I have
found him.”
“I have been ill, sir,” returned the student, not merely with a modest
hesitation, but with a kind of awe of him, “but am greatly better. An attack of
fever - of the brain, I believe - has weakened me, but I am much better. I
cannot say I have been solitary, in my illness, or I should forget the
ministering hand that has been near me.”
“You are speaking of the keeper’s wife,” said Redlaw.
“Yes.” The student bent his head, as if he rendered her some silent homage.
The Chemist, in whom there was a cold, monotonous apathy, which rendered him
more like a marble image on the tomb of the man who had started from his dinner
yesterday at the first mention of this student’s case, than the breathing man
himself, glanced again at the student leaning with his hand upon the couch, and
looked upon the ground, and in the air, as if for light for his blinded mind.
“I remembered your name,” he said, “when it was mentioned to me down stairs,
just now; and I recollect your face. We have held but very little personal
communication together?”
“Very little.”
“You have retired and withdrawn from me, more than any of the rest, I think?”
The student signified assent.
“And why?” said the Chemist; not with the least expression of interest, but with
a moody, wayward kind of curiosity. “Why? How comes it that you have sought to
keep especially from me, the knowledge of your remaining here, at this season,
when all the rest have dispersed, and of your being ill? I want to know why
this is?”
The young man, who had heard him with increasing agitation, raised his downcast
eyes to his face, and clasping his hands together, cried with sudden earnestness
and with trembling lips:
“Mr. Redlaw! You have discovered me. You know my secret!”
“Secret?” said the Chemist, harshly. “I know?”
“Yes! Your manner, so different from the interest and sympathy which endear you
to so many hearts, your altered voice, the constraint there is in everything you
say, and in your looks,” replied the student, “warn me that you know me. That
you would conceal it, even now, is but a proof to me (God knows I need none!) of
your natural kindness and of the bar there is between us.”
A vacant and contemptuous laugh, was all his answer.
“But, Mr. Redlaw,” said the student, “as a just man, and a good man, think how
innocent I am, except in name and descent, of participation in any wrong
inflicted on you or in any sorrow you have borne.”
“Sorrow!” said Redlaw, laughing. “Wrong! What are those to me?”
“For Heaven’s sake,” entreated the shrinking student, “do not let the mere
interchange of a few words with me change you like this, sir! Let me pass again
from your knowledge and notice. Let me occupy my old reserved and distant place
among those whom you instruct. Know me only by the name I have assumed, and not
by that of Longford - ”
“Longford!” exclaimed the other.
He clasped his head with both his hands, and for a moment turned upon the young
man his own intelligent and thoughtful face. But the light passed from it, like
the sun-beam of an instant, and it clouded as before.
“The name my mother bears, sir,” faltered the young man, “the name she took,
when she might, perhaps, have taken one more honoured. Mr. Redlaw,” hesitating,
“I believe I know that history. Where my information halts, my guesses at what
is wanting may supply something not remote from the truth. I am the child of a
marriage that has not proved itself a well-assorted or a happy one. From
infancy, I have heard you spoken of with honour and respect - with something
that was almost reverence. I have heard of such devotion, of such fortitude and
tenderness, of such rising up against the obstacles which press men down, that
my fancy, since I learnt my little lesson from my mother, has shed a lustre on
your name. At last, a poor student myself, from whom could I learn but you?”
Redlaw, unmoved, unchanged, and looking at him with a staring frown, answered by
no word or sign.
“I cannot say,” pursued the other, “I should try in vain to say, how much it has
impressed me, and affected me, to find the gracious traces of the past, in that
certain power of winning gratitude and confidence which is associated among us
students (among the humblest of us, most) with Mr. Redlaw’s generous name. Our
ages and positions are so different, sir, and I am so accustomed to regard you
from a distance, that I wonder at my own presumption when I touch, however
lightly, on that theme. But to one who - I may say, who felt no common interest
in my mother once - it may be something to hear, now that all is past, with what
indescribable feelings of affection I have, in my obscurity, regarded him; with
what pain and reluctance I have kept aloof from his encouragement, when a word
of it would have made me rich; yet how I have felt it fit that I should hold my
course, content to know him, and to be unknown. Mr. Redlaw,” said the student,
faintly, “what I would have said, I have said ill, for my strength is strange to
me as yet; but for anything unworthy in this fraud of mine, forgive me, and for
all the rest forget me!”
The staring frown remained on Redlaw’s face, and yielded to no other expression
until the student, with these words, advanced towards him, as if to touch his
hand, when he drew back and cried to him:
“Don’t come nearer to me!”
The young man stopped, shocked by the eagerness of his recoil, and by the
sternness of his repulsion; and he passed his hand, thoughtfully, across his
forehead.
“The past is past,” said the Chemist. “It dies like the brutes. Who talks to
me of its traces in my life? He raves or lies! What have I to do with your
distempered dreams? If you want money, here it is. I came to offer it; and
that is all I came for. There can be nothing else that brings me here,” he
muttered, holding his head again, with both his hands. “There can be nothing
else, and yet - ”
He had tossed his purse upon the table. As he fell into this dim cogitation
with himself, the student took it up, and held it out to him.
“Take it back, sir,” he said proudly, though not angrily. “I wish you could
take from me, with it, the remembrance of your words and offer.”
“You do?” he retorted, with a wild light in his eyes. “You do?”
“I do!”
The Chemist went close to him, for the first time, and took the purse, and
turned him by the arm, and looked him in the face.
“There is sorrow and trouble in sickness, is there not?” he demanded, with a
laugh.
The wondering student answered, “Yes.”
“In its unrest, in its anxiety, in its suspense, in all its train of physical
and mental miseries?” said the Chemist, with a wild unearthly exultation. “All
best forgotten, are they not?”
The student did not answer, but again passed his hand, confusedly, across his
forehead. Redlaw still held him by the sleeve, when Milly’s voice was heard
outside.
“I can see very well now,” she said, “thank you, Dolf. Don’t cry, dear. Father
and mother will be comfortable again, to-morrow, and home will be comfortable
too. A gentleman with him, is there!”
Redlaw released his hold, as he listened.
“I have feared, from the first moment,” he murmured to himself, “to meet her.
There is a steady quality of goodness in her, that I dread to influence. I may
be the murderer of what is tenderest and best within her bosom.”
She was knocking at the door.
“Shall I dismiss it as an idle foreboding, or still avoid her?” he muttered,
looking uneasily around.
She was knocking at the door again.
“Of all the visitors who could come here,” he said, in a hoarse alarmed voice,
turning to his companion, “this is the one I should desire most to avoid. Hide
me!”
The student opened a frail door in the wall, communicating where the garret-roof
began to slope towards the floor, with a small inner room. Redlaw passed in
hastily, and shut it after him.
The student then resumed his place upon the couch, and called to her to enter.
“Dear Mr. Edmund,” said Milly, looking round, “they told me there was a
gentleman here.”
“There is no one here but I.”
“There has been some one?”
“Yes, yes, there has been some one.”
She put her little basket on the table, and went up to the back of the couch, as
if to take the extended hand - but it was not there. A little surprised, in her
quiet way, she leaned over to look at his face, and gently touched him on the
brow.
“Are you quite as well to-night? Your head is not so cool as in the afternoon.”
“Tut!” said the student, petulantly, “very little ails me.”
A little more surprise, but no reproach, was expressed in her face, as she
withdrew to the other side of the table, and took a small packet of needlework
from her basket. But she laid it down again, on second thoughts, and going
noiselessly about the room, set everything exactly in its place, and in the
neatest order; even to the cushions on the couch, which she touched with so
light a hand, that he hardly seemed to know it, as he lay looking at the fire.
When all this was done, and she had swept the hearth, she sat down, in her
modest little bonnet, to her work, and was quietly busy on it directly.
“It’s the new muslin curtain for the window, Mr. Edmund,” said Milly, stitching
away as she talked. “It will look very clean and nice, though it costs very
little, and will save your eyes, too, from the light. My William says the room
should not be too light just now, when you are recovering so well, or the glare
might make you giddy.”
He said nothing; but there was something so fretful and impatient in his change
of position, that her quick fingers stopped, and she looked at him anxiously.
“The pillows are not comfortable,” she said, laying down her work and rising.
“I will soon put them right.”
“They are very well,” he answered. “Leave them alone, pray. You make so much
of everything.”
He raised his head to say this, and looked at her so thanklessly, that, after he
had thrown himself down again, she stood timidly pausing. However, she resumed
her seat, and her needle, without having directed even a murmuring look towards
him, and was soon as busy as before.
“I have been thinking, Mr. Edmund, that you have been often thinking of late,
when I have been sitting by, how true the saying is, that adversity is a good
teacher. Health will be more precious to you, after this illness, than it has
ever been. And years hence, when this time of year comes round, and you
remember the days when you lay here sick, alone, that the knowledge of your
illness might not afflict those who are dearest to you, your home will be doubly
dear and doubly blest. Now, isn’t that a good, true thing?”
She was too intent upon her work, and too earnest in what she said, and too
composed and quiet altogether, to be on the watch for any look he might direct
towards her in reply; so the shaft of his ungrateful glance fell harmless, and
did not wound her.
“Ah!” said Milly, with her pretty head inclining thoughtfully on one side, as
she looked down, following her busy fingers with her eyes. “Even on me - and I
am very different from you, Mr. Edmund, for I have no learning, and don’t know
how to think properly - this view of such things has made a great impression,
since you have been lying ill. When I have seen you so touched by the kindness
and attention of the poor people down stairs, I have felt that you thought even
that experience some repayment for the loss of health, and I have read in your
face, as plain as if it was a book, that but for some trouble and sorrow we
should never know half the good there is about us.”
His getting up from the couch, interrupted her, or she was going on to say more.
“We needn’t magnify the merit, Mrs. William,” he rejoined slightingly. “The
people down stairs will be paid in good time I dare say, for any little extra
service they may have rendered me; and perhaps they anticipate no less. I am
much obliged to you, too.”
Her fingers stopped, and she looked at him.
“I can’t be made to feel the more obliged by your exaggerating the case,” he
said. “I am sensible that you have been interested in me, and I say I am much
obliged to you. What more would you have?”
Her work fell on her lap, as she still looked at him walking to and fro with an
intolerant air, and stopping now and then.
“I say again, I am much obliged to you. Why weaken my sense of what is your due
in obligation, by preferring enormous claims upon me? Trouble, sorrow,
affliction, adversity! One might suppose I had been dying a score of deaths
here!”
“Do you believe, Mr. Edmund,” she asked, rising and going nearer to him, “that I
spoke of the poor people of the house, with any reference to myself? To me?”
laying her hand upon her bosom with a simple and innocent smile of astonishment.
“Oh! I think nothing about it, my good creature,” he returned. “I have had an
indisposition, which your solicitude - observe! I say solicitude - makes a great
deal more of, than it merits; and it’s over, and we can’t perpetuate it.”
He coldly took a book, and sat down at the table.
She watched him for a little while, until her smile was quite gone, and then,
returning to where her basket was, said gently:
“Mr. Edmund, would you rather be alone?”
“There is no reason why I should detain you here,” he replied.
“Except - ” said Milly, hesitating, and showing her work.
“Oh! the curtain,” he answered, with a supercilious laugh. “That’s not worth
staying for.”
She made up the little packet again, and put it in her basket. Then, standing
before him with such an air of patient entreaty that he could not choose but
look at her, she said:
“If you should want me, I will come back willingly. When you did want me, I was
quite happy to come; there was no merit in it. I think you must be afraid,
that, now you are getting well, I may be troublesome to you; but I should not
have been, indeed. I should have come no longer than your weakness and
confinement lasted. You owe me nothing; but it is right that you should deal as
justly by me as if I was a lady - even the very lady that you love; and if you
suspect me of meanly making much of the little I have tried to do to comfort
your sick room, you do yourself more wrong than ever you can do me. That is why
I am sorry. That is why I am very sorry.”
If she had been as passionate as she was quiet, as indignant as she was calm, as
angry in her look as she was gentle, as loud of tone as she was low and clear,
she might have left no sense of her departure in the room, compared with that
which fell upon the lonely student when she went away.
He was gazing drearily upon the place where she had been, when Redlaw came out
of his concealment, and came to the door.
“When sickness lays its hand on you again,” he said, looking fiercely back at
him, “ - may it be soon! - Die here! Rot here!”
“What have you done?” returned the other, catching at his cloak. “What change
have you wrought in me? What curse have you brought upon me? Give me back
myself!”
“Give me back myself!” exclaimed Redlaw like a madman. “I am infected! I am
infectious! I am charged with poison for my own mind, and the minds of all
mankind. Where I felt interest, compassion, sympathy, I am turning into stone.
Selfishness and ingratitude spring up in my blighting footsteps. I am only so
much less base than the wretches whom I make so, that in the moment of their
transformation I can hate them.”
As he spoke - the young man still holding to his cloak - he cast him off, and
struck him: then, wildly hurried out into the night air where the wind was
blowing, the snow falling, the cloud-drift sweeping on, the moon dimly shining;
and where, blowing in the wind, falling with the snow, drifting with the clouds,
shining in the moonlight, and heavily looming in the darkness, were the
Phantom’s words, “The gift that I have given, you shall give again, go where you
will!”
Whither he went, he neither knew nor cared, so that he avoided company. The
change he felt within him made the busy streets a desert, and himself a desert,
and the multitude around him, in their manifold endurances and ways of life, a
mighty waste of sand, which the winds tossed into unintelligible heaps and made
a ruinous confusion of. Those traces in his breast which the Phantom had told
him would “die out soon,” were not, as yet, so far upon their way to death, but
that he understood enough of what he was, and what he made of others, to desire
to be alone.
This put it in his mind - he suddenly bethought himself, as he was going along,
of the boy who had rushed into his room. And then he recollected, that of those
with whom he had communicated since the Phantom’s disappearance, that boy alone
had shown no sign of being changed.
Monstrous and odious as the wild thing was to him, he determined to seek it out,
and prove if this were really so; and also to seek it with another intention,
which came into his thoughts at the same time.
So, resolving with some difficulty where he was, he directed his steps back to
the old college, and to that part of it where the general porch was, and where,
alone, the pavement was worn by the tread of the students’ feet.
The keeper’s house stood just within the iron gates, forming a part of the chief
quadrangle. There was a little cloister outside, and from that sheltered place
he knew he could look in at the window of their ordinary room, and see who was
within. The iron gates were shut, but his hand was familiar with the fastening,
and drawing it back by thrusting in his wrist between the bars, he passed
through softly, shut it again, and crept up to the window, crumbling the thin
crust of snow with his feet.
The fire, to which he had directed the boy last night, shining brightly through
the glass, made an illuminated place upon the ground. Instinctively avoiding
this, and going round it, he looked in at the window. At first, he thought that
there was no one there, and that the blaze was reddening only the old beams in
the ceiling and the dark walls; but peering in more narrowly, he saw the object
of his search coiled asleep before it on the floor. He passed quickly to the
door, opened it, and went in.
The creature lay in such a fiery heat, that, as the Chemist stooped to rouse
him, it scorched his head. So soon as he was touched, the boy, not half awake,
clutching his rags together with the instinct of flight upon him, half rolled
and half ran into a distant corner of the room, where, heaped upon the ground,
he struck his foot out to defend himself.
“Get up!” said the Chemist. “You have not forgotten me?”
“You let me alone!” returned the boy. “This is the woman’s house - not yours.”
The Chemist’s steady eye controlled him somewhat, or inspired him with enough
submission to be raised upon his feet, and looked at.
“Who washed them, and put those bandages where they were bruised and cracked?”
asked the Chemist, pointing to their altered state.
“The woman did.”
“And is it she who has made you cleaner in the face, too?”
“Yes, the woman.”
Redlaw asked these questions to attract his eyes towards himself, and with the
same intent now held him by the chin, and threw his wild hair back, though he
loathed to touch him. The boy watched his eyes keenly, as if he thought it
needful to his own defence, not knowing what he might do next; and Redlaw could
see well that no change came over him.
“Where are they?” he inquired.
“The woman’s out.”
“I know she is. Where is the old man with the white hair, and his son?”
“The woman’s husband, d’ye mean?” inquired the boy.
“Ay. Where are those two?”
“Out. Something’s the matter, somewhere. They were fetched out in a hurry, and
told me to stop here.”
“Come with me,” said the Chemist, “and I’ll give you money.”
“Come where? and how much will you give?”
“I’ll give you more shillings than you ever saw, and bring you back soon. Do
you know your way to where you came from?”
“You let me go,” returned the boy, suddenly twisting out of his grasp. “I’m not
a going to take you there. Let me be, or I’ll heave some fire at you!”
He was down before it, and ready, with his savage little hand, to pluck the
burning coals out.
What the Chemist had felt, in observing the effect of his charmed influence
stealing over those with whom he came in contact, was not nearly equal to the
cold vague terror with which he saw this baby-monster put it at defiance. It
chilled his blood to look on the immovable impenetrable thing, in the likeness
of a child, with its sharp malignant face turned up to his, and its almost
infant hand, ready at the bars.
“Listen, boy!” he said. “You shall take me where you please, so that you take
me where the people are very miserable or very wicked. I want to do them good,
and not to harm them. You shall have money, as I have told you, and I will
bring you back. Get up! Come quickly!” He made a hasty step towards the door,
afraid of her returning.
“Will you let me walk by myself, and never hold me, nor yet touch me?” said the
boy, slowly withdrawing the hand with which he threatened, and beginning to get
up.
“I will!”
“And let me go, before, behind, or anyways I like?”
“I will!”
“Give me some money first, then, and go.”
The Chemist laid a few shillings, one by one, in his extended hand. To count
them was beyond the boy’s knowledge, but he said “one,” every time, and
avariciously looked at each as it was given, and at the donor. He had nowhere
to put them, out of his hand, but in his mouth; and he put them there.
Redlaw then wrote with his pencil on a leaf of his pocket-book, that the boy was
with him; and laying it on the table, signed to him to follow. Keeping his rags
together, as usual, the boy complied, and went out with his bare head and naked
feet into the winter night.
Preferring not to depart by the iron gate by which he had entered, where they
were in danger of meeting her whom he so anxiously avoided, the Chemist led the
way, through some of those passages among which the boy had lost himself, and by
that portion of the building where he lived, to a small door of which he had the
key. When they got into the street, he stopped to ask his guide - who instantly
retreated from him - if he knew where they were.
The savage thing looked here and there, and at length, nodding his head, pointed
in the direction he designed to take. Redlaw going on at once, he followed,
something less suspiciously; shifting his money from his mouth into his hand,
and back again into his mouth, and stealthily rubbing it bright upon his shreds
of dress, as he went along.
Three times, in their progress, they were side by side. Three times they
stopped, being side by side. Three times the Chemist glanced down at his face,
and shuddered as it forced upon him one reflection.
The first occasion was when they were crossing an old churchyard, and Redlaw
stopped among the graves, utterly at a loss how to connect them with any tender,
softening, or consolatory thought.
The second was, when the breaking forth of the moon induced him to look up at
the Heavens, where he saw her in her glory, surrounded by a host of stars he
still knew by the names and histories which human science has appended to them;
but where he saw nothing else he had been wont to see, felt nothing he had been
wont to feel, in looking up there, on a bright night.
The third was when he stopped to listen to a plaintive strain of music, but
could only hear a tune, made manifest to him by the dry mechanism of the
instruments and his own ears, with no address to any mystery within him, without
a whisper in it of the past, or of the future, powerless upon him as the sound
of last year’s running water, or the rushing of last year’s wind.
At each of these three times, he saw with horror that, in spite of the vast
intellectual distance between them, and their being unlike each other in all
physical respects, the expression on the boy’s face was the expression on his
own.
They journeyed on for some time - now through such crowded places, that he often
looked over his shoulder thinking he had lost his guide, but generally finding
him within his shadow on his other side; now by ways so quiet, that he could
have counted his short, quick, naked footsteps coming on behind - until they
arrived at a ruinous collection of houses, and the boy touched him and stopped.
“In there!” he said, pointing out one house where there were shattered lights in
the windows, and a dim lantern in the doorway, with “Lodgings for Travellers”
painted on it.
Redlaw looked about him; from the houses to the waste piece of ground on which
the houses stood, or rather did not altogether tumble down, unfenced, undrained,
unlighted, and bordered by a sluggish ditch; from that, to the sloping line of
arches, part of some neighbouring viaduct or bridge with which it was
surrounded, and which lessened gradually towards them, until the last but one
was a mere kennel for a dog, the last a plundered little heap of bricks; from
that, to the child, close to him, cowering and trembling with the cold, and
limping on one little foot, while he coiled the other round his leg to warm it,
yet staring at all these things with that frightful likeness of expression so
apparent in his face, that Redlaw started from him.
“In there!” said the boy, pointing out the house again. “I’ll wait.”
“Will they let me in?” asked Redlaw.
“Say you’re a doctor,” he answered with a nod. “There’s plenty ill here.”
Looking back on his way to the house-door, Redlaw saw him trail himself upon the
dust and crawl within the shelter of the smallest arch, as if he were a rat. He
had no pity for the thing, but he was afraid of it; and when it looked out of
its den at him, he hurried to the house as a retreat.
“Sorrow, wrong, and trouble,” said the Chemist, with a painful effort at some
more distinct remembrance, “at least haunt this place darkly. He can do no
harm, who brings forgetfulness of such things here!”
With these words, he pushed the yielding door, and went in.
There was a woman sitting on the stairs, either asleep or forlorn, whose head
was bent down on her hands and knees. As it was not easy to pass without
treading on her, and as she was perfectly regardless of his near approach, he
stopped, and touched her on the shoulder. Looking up, she showed him quite a
young face, but one whose bloom and promise were all swept away, as if the
haggard winter should unnaturally kill the spring.
With little or no show of concern on his account, she moved nearer to the wall
to leave him a wider passage.
“What are you?” said Redlaw, pausing, with his hand upon the broken stair-rail.
“What do you think I am?” she answered, showing him her face again.
He looked upon the ruined Temple of God, so lately made, so soon disfigured; and
something, which was not compassion - for the springs in which a true compassion
for such miseries has its rise, were dried up in his breast - but which was
nearer to it, for the moment, than any feeling that had lately struggled into
the darkening, but not yet wholly darkened, night of his mind - mingled a touch
of softness with his next words.
“I am come here to give relief, if I can,” he said. “Are you thinking of any
wrong?”
She frowned at him, and then laughed; and then her laugh prolonged itself into a
shivering sigh, as she dropped her head again, and hid her fingers in her hair.
“Are you thinking of a wrong?” he asked once more.
“I am thinking of my life,” she said, with a monetary look at him.
He had a perception that she was one of many, and that he saw the type of
thousands, when he saw her, drooping at his feet.
“What are your parents?” he demanded.
“I had a good home once. My father was a gardener, far away, in the country.”
“Is he dead?”
“He’s dead to me. All such things are dead to me. You a gentleman, and not
know that!” She raised her eyes again, and laughed at him.
“Girl!” said Redlaw, sternly, “before this death, of all such things, was
brought about, was there no wrong done to you? In spite of all that you can do,
does no remembrance of wrong cleave to you? Are there not times upon times when
it is misery to you?”
So little of what was womanly was left in her appearance, that now, when she
burst into tears, he stood amazed. But he was more amazed, and much disquieted,
to note that in her awakened recollection of this wrong, the first trace of her
old humanity and frozen tenderness appeared to show itself.
He drew a little off, and in doing so, observed that her arms were black, her
face cut, and her bosom bruised.
“What brutal hand has hurt you so?” he asked.
“My own. I did it myself!” she answered quickly.
“It is impossible.”
“I’ll swear I did! He didn’t touch me. I did it to myself in a passion, and
threw myself down here. He wasn’t near me. He never laid a hand upon me!”
In the white determination of her face, confronting him with this untruth, he
saw enough of the last perversion and distortion of good surviving in that
miserable breast, to be stricken with remorse that he had ever come near her.
“Sorrow, wrong, and trouble!” he muttered, turning his fearful gaze away. “All
that connects her with the state from which she has fallen, has those roots! In
the name of God, let me go by!”
Afraid to look at her again, afraid to touch her, afraid to think of having
sundered the last thread by which she held upon the mercy of Heaven, he gathered
his cloak about him, and glided swiftly up the stairs.
Opposite to him, on the landing, was a door, which stood partly open, and which,
as he ascended, a man with a candle in his hand, came forward from within to
shut. But this man, on seeing him, drew back, with much emotion in his manner,
and, as if by a sudden impulse, mentioned his name aloud.
In the surprise of such a recognition there, he stopped, endeavouring to
recollect the wan and startled face. He had no time to consider it, for, to his
yet greater amazement, old Philip came out of the room, and took him by the
hand.
“Mr. Redlaw,” said the old man, “this is like you, this is like you, sir! you
have heard of it, and have come after us to render any help you can. Ah, too
late, too late!”
Redlaw, with a bewildered look, submitted to be led into the room. A man lay
there, on a truckle-bed, and William Swidger stood at the bedside.
“Too late!” murmured the old man, looking wistfully into the Chemist’s face; and
the tears stole down his cheeks.
“That’s what I say, father,” interposed his son in a low voice. “That’s where
it is, exactly. To keep as quiet as ever we can while he’s a dozing, is the
only thing to do. You’re right, father!”
Redlaw paused at the bedside, and looked down on the figure that was stretched
upon the mattress. It was that of a man, who should have been in the vigour of
his life, but on whom it was not likely the sun would ever shine again. The
vices of his forty or fifty years’ career had so branded him, that, in
comparison with their effects upon his face, the heavy hand of Time upon the old
man’s face who watched him had been merciful and beautifying.
“Who is this?” asked the Chemist, looking round.
“My son George, Mr. Redlaw,” said the old man, wringing his hands. “My eldest
son, George, who was more his mother’s pride than all the rest!”
Redlaw’s eyes wandered from the old man’s grey head, as he laid it down upon the
bed, to the person who had recognised him, and who had kept aloof, in the
remotest corner of the room. He seemed to be about his own age; and although he
knew no such hopeless decay and broken man as he appeared to be, there was
something in the turn of his figure, as he stood with his back towards him, and
now went out at the door, that made him pass his hand uneasily across his brow.
“William,” he said in a gloomy whisper, “who is that man?”
“Why you see, sir,” returned Mr. William, “that’s what I say, myself. Why
should a man ever go and gamble, and the like of that, and let himself down inch
by inch till he can’t let himself down any lower!”
“Has he done so?” asked Redlaw, glancing after him with the same uneasy action
as before.
“Just exactly that, sir,” returned William Swidger, “as I’m told. He knows a
little about medicine, sir, it seems; and having been wayfaring towards London
with my unhappy brother that you see here,” Mr. William passed his coat-sleeve
across his eyes, “and being lodging up stairs for the night - what I say, you
see, is that strange companions come together here sometimes - he looked in to
attend upon him, and came for us at his request. What a mournful spectacle,
sir! But that’s where it is. It’s enough to kill my father!”
Redlaw looked up, at these words, and, recalling where he was and with whom, and
the spell he carried with him - which his surprise had obscured - retired a
little, hurriedly, debating with himself whether to shun the house that moment,
or remain.
Yielding to a certain sullen doggedness, which it seemed to be a part of his
condition to struggle with, he argued for remaining.
“Was it only yesterday,” he said, “when I observed the memory of this old man to
be a tissue of sorrow and trouble, and shall I be afraid, to-night, to shake
it? Are such remembrances as I can drive away, so precious to this dying man
that I need fear for him? No! I’ll stay here.”
But he stayed in fear and trembling none the less for these words; and, shrouded
in his black cloak with his face turned from them, stood away from the bedside,
listening to what they said, as if he felt himself a demon in the place.
“Father!” murmured the sick man, rallying a little from stupor.
“My boy! My son George!” said old Philip.
“You spoke, just now, of my being mother’s favourite, long ago. It’s a dreadful
thing to think now, of long ago!”
“No, no, no;” returned the old man. “Think of it. Don’t say it’s dreadful.
It’s not dreadful to me, my son.”
“It cuts you to the heart, father.” For the old man’s tears were falling on
him.
“Yes, yes,” said Philip, “so it does; but it does me good. It’s a heavy sorrow
to think of that time, but it does me good, George. Oh, think of it too, think
of it too, and your heart will be softened more and more! Where’s my son
William? William, my boy, your mother loved him dearly to the last, and with
her latest breath said, ‘Tell him I forgave him, blessed him, and prayed for
him.’ Those were her words to me. I have never forgotten them, and I’m
eighty-seven!”
“Father!” said the man upon the bed, “I am dying, I know. I am so far gone,
that I can hardly speak, even of what my mind most runs on. Is there any hope
for me beyond this bed?”
“There is hope,” returned the old man, “for all who are softened and penitent.
There is hope for all such. Oh!” he exclaimed, clasping his hands and looking
up, “I was thankful, only yesterday, that I could remember this unhappy son when
he was an innocent child. But what a comfort it is, now, to think that even God
himself has that remembrance of him!”
Redlaw spread his hands upon his face, and shrank, like a murderer.
“Ah!” feebly moaned the man upon the bed. “The waste since then, the waste of
life since then!”
“But he was a child once,” said the old man. “He played with children. Before
he lay down on his bed at night, and fell into his guiltless rest, he said his
prayers at his poor mother’s knee. I have seen him do it, many a time; and seen
her lay his head upon her breast, and kiss him. Sorrowful as it was to her and
me, to think of this, when he went so wrong, and when our hopes and plans for
him were all broken, this gave him still a hold upon us, that nothing else could
have given. Oh, Father, so much better than the fathers upon earth! Oh,
Father, so much more afflicted by the errors of Thy children! take this wanderer
back! Not as he is, but as he was then, let him cry to Thee, as he has so often
seemed to cry to us!”
As the old man lifted up his trembling hands, the son, for whom he made the
supplication, laid his sinking head against him for support and comfort, as if
he were indeed the child of whom he spoke.
When did man ever tremble, as Redlaw trembled, in the silence that ensued! He
knew it must come upon them, knew that it was coming fast.
“My time is very short, my breath is shorter,” said the sick man, supporting
himself on one arm, and with the other groping in the air, “and I remember there
is something on my mind concerning the man who was here just now, Father and
William - wait! - is there really anything in black, out there?”
“Yes, yes, it is real,” said his aged father.
“Is it a man?”
“What I say myself, George,” interposed his brother, bending kindly over him.
“It’s Mr. Redlaw.”
“I thought I had dreamed of him. Ask him to come here.”
The Chemist, whiter than the dying man, appeared before him. Obedient to the
motion of his hand, he sat upon the bed.
“It has been so ripped up, to-night, sir,” said the sick man, laying his hand
upon his heart, with a look in which the mute, imploring agony of his condition
was concentrated, “by the sight of my poor old father, and the thought of all
the trouble I have been the cause of, and all the wrong and sorrow lying at my
door, that - ”
Was it the extremity to which he had come, or was it the dawning of another
change, that made him stop?
“ - that what I can do right, with my mind running on so much, so fast, I’ll try
to do. There was another man here. Did you see him?”
Redlaw could not reply by any word; for when he saw that fatal sign he knew so
well now, of the wandering hand upon the forehead, his voice died at his lips.
But he made some indication of assent.
“He is penniless, hungry, and destitute. He is completely beaten down, and has
no resource at all. Look after him! Lose no time! I know he has it in his
mind to kill himself.”
It was working. It was on his face. His face was changing, hardening,
deepening in all its shades, and losing all its sorrow.
“Don’t you remember? Don’t you know him?” he pursued.
He shut his face out for a moment, with the hand that again wandered over his
forehead, and then it lowered on Redlaw, reckless, ruffianly, and callous.
“Why, d-n you!” he said, scowling round, “what have you been doing to me here!
I have lived bold, and I mean to die bold. To the Devil with you!”
And so lay down upon his bed, and put his arms up, over his head and ears, as
resolute from that time to keep out all access, and to die in his indifference.
If Redlaw had been struck by lightning, it could not have struck him from the
bedside with a more tremendous shock. But the old man, who had left the bed
while his son was speaking to him, now returning, avoided it quickly likewise,
and with abhorrence.
“Where’s my boy William?” said the old man hurriedly. “William, come away from
here. We’ll go home.”
“Home, father!” returned William. “Are you going to leave your own son?”
“Where’s my own son?” replied the old man.
“Where? why, there!”
“That’s no son of mine,” said Philip, trembling with resentment. “No such
wretch as that, has any claim on me. My children are pleasant to look at, and
they wait upon me, and get my meat and drink ready, and are useful to me. I’ve
a right to it! I’m eighty-seven!”
“You’re old enough to be no older,” muttered William, looking at him grudgingly,
with his hands in his pockets. “I don’t know what good you are, myself. We
could have a deal more pleasure without you.”
“My son, Mr. Redlaw!” said the old man. “My son, too! The boy talking to me of
my son! Why, what has he ever done to give me any pleasure, I should like to
know?”
“I don’t know what you have ever done to give me any pleasure,” said William,
sulkily.
“Let me think,” said the old man. “For how many Christmas times running, have I
sat in my warm place, and never had to come out in the cold night air; and have
made good cheer, without being disturbed by any such uncomfortable, wretched
sight as him there? Is it twenty, William?”
“Nigher forty, it seems,” he muttered. “Why, when I look at my father, sir, and
come to think of it,” addressing Redlaw, with an impatience and irritation that
were quite new, “I’m whipped if I can see anything in him but a calendar of ever
so many years of eating and drinking, and making himself comfortable, over and
over again.”
“I - I’m eighty-seven,” said the old man, rambling on, childishly and weakly,
“and I don’t know as I ever was much put out by anything. I’m not going to
begin now, because of what he calls my son. He’s not my son. I’ve had a power
of pleasant times. I recollect once - no I don’t - no, it’s broken off. It was
something about a game of cricket and a friend of mine, but it’s somehow broken
off. I wonder who he was - I suppose I liked him? And I wonder what became of
him - I suppose he died? But I don’t know. And I don’t care, neither; I don’t
care a bit.”
In his drowsy chuckling, and the shaking of his head, he put his hands into his
waistcoat pockets. In one of them he found a bit of holly (left there, probably
last night), which he now took out, and looked at.
“Berries, eh?” said the old man. “Ah! It’s a pity they’re not good to eat. I
recollect, when I was a little chap about as high as that, and out a walking
with - let me see - who was I out a walking with? - no, I don’t remember how
that was. I don’t remember as I ever walked with any one particular, or cared
for any one, or any one for me. Berries, eh? There’s good cheer when there’s
berries. Well; I ought to have my share of it, and to be waited on, and kept
warm and comfortable; for I’m eighty-seven, and a poor old man. I’m
eigh-ty-seven. Eigh-ty-seven!”
The drivelling, pitiable manner in which, as he repeated this, he nibbled at the
leaves, and spat the morsels out; the cold, uninterested eye with which his
youngest son (so changed) regarded him; the determined apathy with which his
eldest son lay hardened in his sin; impressed themselves no more on Redlaw’s
observation, - for he broke his way from the spot to which his feet seemed to
have been fixed, and ran out of the house.
His guide came crawling forth from his place of refuge, and was ready for him
before he reached the arches.
“Back to the woman’s?” he inquired.
“Back, quickly!” answered Redlaw. “Stop nowhere on the way!”
For a short distance the boy went on before; but their return was more like a
flight than a walk, and it was as much as his bare feet could do, to keep pace
with the Chemist’s rapid strides. Shrinking from all who passed, shrouded in
his cloak, and keeping it drawn closely about him, as though there were mortal
contagion in any fluttering touch of his garments, he made no pause until they
reached the door by which they had come out. He unlocked it with his key, went
in, accompanied by the boy, and hastened through the dark passages to his own
chamber.
The boy watched him as he made the door fast, and withdrew behind the table,
when he looked round.
“Come!” he said. “Don’t you touch me! You’ve not brought me here to take my
money away.”
Redlaw threw some more upon the ground. He flung his body on it immediately, as
if to hide it from him, lest the sight of it should tempt him to reclaim it; and
not until he saw him seated by his lamp, with his face hidden in his hands,
began furtively to pick it up. When he had done so, he crept near the fire,
and, sitting down in a great chair before it, took from his breast some broken
scraps of food, and fell to munching, and to staring at the blaze, and now and
then to glancing at his shillings, which he kept clenched up in a bunch, in one
hand.
“And this,” said Redlaw, gazing on him with increased repugnance and fear, “is
the only one companion I have left on earth!”
How long it was before he was aroused from his contemplation of this creature,
whom he dreaded so - whether half-an-hour, or half the night - he knew not. But
the stillness of the room was broken by the boy (whom he had seen listening)
starting up, and running towards the door.
“Here’s the woman coming!” he exclaimed.
The Chemist stopped him on his way, at the moment when she knocked.
“Let me go to her, will you?” said the boy.
“Not now,” returned the Chemist. “Stay here. Nobody must pass in or out of the
room now. Who’s that?”
“It’s I, sir,” cried Milly. “Pray, sir, let me in!”
“No! not for the world!” he said.
“Mr. Redlaw, Mr. Redlaw, pray, sir, let me in.”
“What is the matter?” he said, holding the boy.
“The miserable man you saw, is worse, and nothing I can say will wake him from
his terrible infatuation. William’s father has turned childish in a moment,
William himself is changed. The shock has been too sudden for him; I cannot
understand him; he is not like himself. Oh, Mr. Redlaw, pray advise me, help
me!”
“No! No! No!” he answered.
“Mr. Redlaw! Dear sir! George has been muttering, in his doze, about the man
you saw there, who, he fears, will kill himself.”
“Better he should do it, than come near me!”
“He says, in his wandering, that you know him; that he was your friend once,
long ago; that he is the ruined father of a student here - my mind misgives me,
of the young gentleman who has been ill. What is to be done? How is he to be
followed? How is he to be saved? Mr. Redlaw, pray, oh, pray, advise me! Help
me!”
All this time he held the boy, who was half-mad to pass him, and let her in.
“Phantoms! Punishers of impious thoughts!” cried Redlaw, gazing round in
anguish, “look upon me! From the darkness of my mind, let the glimmering of
contrition that I know is there, shine up and show my misery! In the material
world as I have long taught, nothing can be spared; no step or atom in the
wondrous structure could be lost, without a blank being made in the great
universe. I know, now, that it is the same with good and evil, happiness and
sorrow, in the memories of men. Pity me! Relieve me!”
There was no response, but her “Help me, help me, let me in!” and the boy’s
struggling to get to her.
“Shadow of myself! Spirit of my darker hours!” cried Redlaw, in distraction,
“come back, and haunt me day and night, but take this gift away! Or, if it must
still rest with me, deprive me of the dreadful power of giving it to others.
Undo what I have done. Leave me benighted, but restore the day to those whom I
have cursed. As I have spared this woman from the first, and as I never will go
forth again, but will die here, with no hand to tend me, save this creature’s
who is proof against me, - hear me!”
The only reply still was, the boy struggling to get to her, while he held him
back; and the cry, increasing in its energy, “Help! let me in. He was your
friend once, how shall he be followed, how shall he be saved? They are all
changed, there is no one else to help me, pray, pray, let me in!”
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